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rest_in_you
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Name: vanessa *' '*
Birthday: 10/25/1984
Interests: sunset on the beach.. star-gazing.. randomly singing.. rollerblading on seawall.. eating udon.. anything green tea.. camera happiness.. scrapbooking.. jamming.. singing soul music :p..
Expertise: being sor mui! ^^v
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
7/13/2003
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my heart broke today. how can there be so much injustice in this world? how can there be so many children being exploited and abused each day? my heart cried when i heard that this one girl in cambodia was raped for as many as 9000 times. how can such a little girl be raped so many times and survive? some of these girls start as young as 5. they were sold as slaves, they legally do not have an identity, they have no birth certificates. i can't imagine myself being one of these girls and surviving. how can they be so strong? compared to them, i am so blessed.. yet i struggle to be grateful and content. i feel so little, so weak. these little girls are eager to accept the love of Christ. they are filled with so much hope & desire to know Jesus. during the day, they will allow themselves to be sexually abused, and then they will return to the ministry to learn more about Jesus and His love. i don't understand how they can be so strong. i don't understand why we live in such a broken world. i feel so helpless. i want to help these girls.. but i don't even know what i can do for them. i can barely help myself. i wish i could be there to hold them. God, this reality really hurts. how can i help them? it is not by coincidence that brian came to share this morning. what can i do? i am weak, but i am willing..
break my ♥ for what breaks Yours~
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| summer is drawing to a close.. well, technically, it's still summer until the 22nd, but the days are already getting shorter and feeling colder. i'm going to miss watching the sun setting at 10pm while walking by the water. God has been tremendously gracious to me. i really thought that my summer would be a miserable one, but God has provided me with many good friends to make this summer such a wonderful one. this summer was full of valuable lessons—ones i hope never to forget. the lessons are too hard to repeat.
the first day of summer was father's day. what a great day to start off the summer!.. by making footprints in the sand with my Heavenly Father. this summer, i learned more about myself as more layers were shed. through my therapy sessions, i was able to understand deeper the little girl within me. but it was also through her, that i experienced such intense emotions. i never knew that i was enveloping such high intensity. it was quite scary, actually. i don't think my emotions have ever gone so out of control before. looking back now, i realize that i have been bitter for most of the summer. it was definitely one of my most challenging seasons. i can't say i have it all under control now, but at least i'm learning to tame them more and to remember what my purpose in life is. when i remember that my ultimate goal is to glorify God, then it puts everything back into perspective and helps me react to things in a more Christlike way. i also learned that God does not intend bad things to happen to us, but He does allow them to happen and uses those incidents to teach us greater lessons.
this summer, God helped me exercise my love muscles and challenged me to keep loving those who are hard to love. i'm sure He also challenged those around me the same thing. He also reminded me that He made me the way i am for a reason. i may consider my sensitivity to be a bad thing, but maybe in His kingdom, it is a good thing. i can use every bit of me to glorify Him just as long as i am willing. so as another season begins, i pray that these lessons are well learned and remembered.
below is a list of my highlights for the summer. some of the items may appear to be trivial, but sometimes, it's not about what you do. it's about who you're with~! ♥
highlights:
- bard on the beach
- hiromi playing on a steinway
- tourist day in seattle
- cooler & jello shots night
- les mis—my first live musical!
- jazz fest
- tuna tataki at cactus clubs
- reunion with betty
- hiking up the first peak at the chief
- curry & roti night
- "i spy" & sunset on the dyke
- hide-and-seek
- mcdonald's at 4am
- banana pancakes & apple shots
- biking on seawall
- "may the force be with you"
- tourist day in vancouver
- meteor shower
- bowling
- trin & pete's bday party
- tsawout
- ssss...yyy...ccc...powa!
- build-a-bear w/ trin
- midnight run to walmart
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| break my heart for what breaks Yours~
summer is almost ending.. :( this summer, i think God has really broken my heart for what breaks His. sometimes, i wonder if i should pray such a hard prayer. when you earnestly ask God for something, He really does give it to you. i'm thankful for these past two weeks tho'. it has put things back into perspective. i think for a while, i lost my focus in life. i had forgotten what it meant to be a daughter of God. i had forgotten that my purpose in life is to glorify Him in every aspect of my life — and i do mean every aspect. i think for a certain area in my life, i had lost that focus. so i am more than grateful that God has given me a wakening call.
tsawout was yet again a challenging trip. it really is disheartening to see how little boys can be so malicious. they must have gone through a lot.. and probably without parental supervision too. but this year was a lot easier in a sense that most of the kids remember us from last year. they actually missed us and looked forward to spending the week with us. and they're already thinking of seeing us during Christmastime again. i think we have started a long-term mission with them.. God really did break my heart for what breaks His.. and He really challenged me to keep loving those who are hard to love. my patience and love muscles were really stretched. i'm thankful that i was able to break the barrier to some of those older girls. even though i had a fever, God still used my low energy to reach out to those girls. and of course, there were those who were quite easy to love too. ♥♥
i went to syc as a camp leader again. this year it was different not having the girls in my cabin. but at least i had more time to sleep and recover from my illness. and i was able to be there for those girls regardless of where i slept. i'm honoured that God has put these girls into my life. i may not have it all together, but i still try my very best to be the best role model that i can be for them. my heart really aches to see them go through such difficult times.. and to feel the helplessness that they feel. sometimes, i really don't know the words that i can say to them.. and i'm still learning. but i thank God for these relationships. at least i can still tell them bedtime stories. x) hanging-out-with-God time was a shorter this year.. i wish it wasn't so rushed. i still took my time, but i ended up missing out on the rec time. but i guess this gave me an opportunity to hang out with the girls more. that week, jeff slaughter really was my inspiration. even though his mom was going through a rough time, he chose to come to syc to be with us and to fulfill his role as a worship leader. it made me reflect on my own experiences, and how when things were tough, i avoided and neglected my role as a worship leader. i know our circumstances are different because for me, serving would be less of a refuge. yet i still feel that i had let my team down. i feel like these two weeks have been a wakening call for me. i'm finally healing. but i know it is not a linear progress. i know there will be times when i will feel sad again. but now i know that i just need to take some time to feel sad, and then realize that things cannot be changed, and move on from there. i must remember the 90/10 principle.
gazing into the night sky full of twinkling stars at syc was absolutely amazing! it reminded me of a couple weeks ago when i saw the meteor shower. i wish i could've taken pictures of the sky, but i don't think it would show up. i guess i just have to let it be engraved in my memory. but it's actually not just the scenery that is special.. it actually depends on the company you spend it with too. you can just be chilling at home and still have a fabulous time. :*)
{we had some surprise visitors at work today.. they were uncle marshall & auntie mei-ling!! it was soo good to see them! the last time i saw them was when i visited LA in 2006.. and that time i only saw them once.. didn't even really get to talk to them that time. it was so good to catch up with them for a bit.. i miss all you LA-ers whom i've met through vision. i hope you guys are doing well down south!}
it's all true, it's all true
everything Your Word says about You
every chapter, every verse
every promise i've ever heard
it's all true, it's all true
i want my life to be a living proof
that no matter what i go through
it's all true
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| Jesus, You are my best friend, You will always be, nothing will ever change that!
it's been a long long while since i've been a crew leader for vbs.. probably since 7 years ago. God really has blessed me with a wonderful group of grade 3-4 girls! :) i think alf is right in saying that vbs is as much for us as it is for the kids. every moment has been a blessing! this morning, after flora shared about caelee, all my girls cried. and when i was still crying, they would try to cheer me up. we were able to use this opportunity to talk a little more deeply regarding death and losing our loved ones. it has been very encouraging to see their simple childlike faith. sometimes, it really is as simple as just believing—yet when we are older, we always tend to find reason in everything.
so i watched this movie two nights ago. i thought it was funny how there was a message for me towards the end of the movie. what is your happy ending?
And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
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God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
amen.
~reinhold neibuhr
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